#16 My Struggle To Write

 It's been almost 2 months since I have published my last article on this blog. I have not been able to finish another article and publish it here after that. It's not because I don't want to, it's because I can't!

Writing is a tough process, especially for a beginner and a non-native speaker like me. I deeply and sincerely want to write and stick with my initial plan of publishing one article here in this blog every week. But I find it harder than ever before for me to finish something that I start. I have read articles and articles and watched a ton of videos on how to write effectively and how to overcome writer's blocks. Still, I am struggling a great deal and I don't sincerely know what to do.

One thing I am sure of is that I will overcome this phase. Sometime in the near future, I will be able to write like how I want to and I will be meeting my expectations and standards.

Self-doubt is a good thing. It's a sign which indicates that you have good taste and higher standards. I remember myself a few years ago when I would write effortlessly in English whatever that I wanted to say and express. I had zero self-doubts, and I was not insecure about my grammar, my vocabulary, or anything like that. I would write graciously and proudly.

The thing was that I was a stupid little fellow who didn't have any idea what he was doing. It's so much easier to be confident when you are stupid and that's what I was like. Within the last couple of years, I read a lot, I was exposed to so many new areas and things I never was before and I learned a lot of new things. The more I started to understand things, the more I started to feel self-doubt and insecurities.

The fact that I read more books and the works of great authors made me realize how pathetic of a writer I was. And that's when I started thinking about improving my writing and my communication skills.

At this point in my life, what I am struggling with the most is meeting my expectations and standards. I have set higher standards for myself and I am nowhere near around that right now. This is what's making me stagnant. I have been putting things off and making excuses for almost 8 weeks now and I feel terrible about myself. I need to end this and I need to get back on track and stick with the plan.

If I continue to do what I have been doing, I will never improve and nor will I ever make any progress, moreover, I will make myself miserable which is the worst part. So, I have decided to write irrespective of what I feel, and how I feel about myself. I don't care if I meet my expectations and I don't care if my sentence structure or vocabulary is good enough. None of those things matter, at all. What matters is whether I stick with the system and publish one article here every week. Because, if I do that, I will inevitably get better over time and get closer to where I want to go.


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